The first family get together since the death of our son is happening this weekend and I regret to say, I will not be there. The thought of getting together in a large group makes me uncomfortable. The thought of any type of celebratory situation makes me very uncomfortable. I need more time to heal before I am ready to participate in celebratory events or social gatherings.
I am not ready to see the look in anyone’s eye when they see me, especially if they haven’t seen me since our son’s memorial. To see everyone all at once would be too much. To have to answer all the ‘how’ questions is not something I am emotionally ready to do. Thinking about having small talk about how being back at work is going or even worse COVID makes me want to scream. None of this matters to me – work is fine and COVID sucks.
I have thought a lot about this. I have tried to talk myself into going. I would love to go and act as if everything is ok.
But frankly, I am tired. I am tired of having to be strong. I am tired of having to act ok all the time. Everything is not ok. I am not ok.
I am sorry I can’t make it to the family gathering this weekend.
I am not sure I will be able to make it to the next one either.
Mallory, of course I wish you could be with us at all family celebrations just like it used to be. We will miss you…❤️
It is mentally and emotionally impossible to avoid your (our) feelings and move on like nothing has happened. Something tragic did happen and it was and will be an everlasting loss to bare for all eternity for all of us, and especially for you, TEK’s loving, grieving mother.
No pressure and absolutely no apologies or explanations are necessary but thanks for your blunt honesty once again. Totally agree with you, this sucks for today, tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year. We all agree that there is no right or wrong for how or time length in grieving. No one is living your nightmare or devastating loss like you and Albert are as Theodore’s proud and loving parents. So, if avoiding emotional situations for now is what you need to do…then so be it. No pressure!
Please remember nobody is judging your decisions or choices. You just do what is best for you! Take care of your own tired, weary self first because you you need to keep up your strength in order to mend your broken heart. Keep the faith and believe that your angelic baby boy is loving and protecting you from above. I do believe that he is enjoying your new hobby birdwatching just as much as you. Lots of butterfly kisses ? and hugs coming your way, mommy! ???
With unconditional love, Mom ?