My Theodore,

Here are your New Years balloons which really look surprisingly nice. I say surprisingly because, I only wanted the one big balloon in the middle.

When I asked if there were any more of just the one I was told no.

When I asked if I could just buy the one I was told no.

I was so angry with these responses! I only wanted the one damn balloon!! The big one was the balloon for you and I wasn’t going to just settle for another so I bought the bundle.

I tried to make light of it and laugh it off but the anger was very much there. Little things like this make me angry every single day.

Deep down I know that these things aren’t what I’m angry at. I know I am so very angry that you aren’t here. I am so angry that you were taken from us.

Right now on New Year’s Eve I am very angry that we are going into another year without you. I wish every day that I could go back to 2019 when you were safe inside me. Every day I wish I could go back to any of the 10 days you were here alive in 2020 so I could feel your presence again.

Just knowing you were here in this world completed me, completed us.

You my sweet sweet son will always and forever be my everything.

I will enter this new year with you in my thoughts everyday and most importantly in my heart every beating second.

Happy New Year in heaven Tek – I love you more than any words can say.