Happy Birthday in heaven my sweet boy! 

I have been looking forward to celebrating your birthday since November!

I love remembering the day you were born. I think about your birth and the days we spent together over and over again so I don’t forget any of the details. As time goes on, the gap between getting to hold you and not is more and more painfully apparent. The weight I once felt from holding you on my left arm is fading. The sound of hearing your little breath while you slept is getting quieter and quieter. It is a daily fight with my memory to keep these details and others about you vivid. 

You not being here doesn’t undo the fact that you made me a mom. Loving you has opened my heart  in ways I had no idea were possible. I think more so since you aren’t physically here.  You will forever be my son and I will forever mother you as best as I can. I try my hardest to do things here earth side for you so you feel my love where you are. Every holiday I pick out a balloon for you, this is a symbol that you are here with us. I love to even buy you balloons for random reasons like the season changed or I just thought of you when I saw it. I will continue to go to your tree to sit so I feel close to you. I pray you feel my love for you.

I know with everything in me that you send me signs through smiley faces and hearts. Your water art and other smudges have gotten creative! Please continue to send me these signs. 

This year we are celebrating your birthday with a fire truck themed birthday brunch. Later today, Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie Ashlee, Preston and Josephine are all coming over to eat pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs and hash brown casserole! We will also all enjoy a fire truck themed cake made with fresh raspberries. 

January 28 will always be your day and no matter what I will celebrate you. Please always remember: 

Skinnamarinky dinky dink skinnamarinky doo, I love you, I love you in the morning and in the afternoon. I love you in the evening and underneath the moon. Skinnamarinky dinky dink skinnamarinky do, I love you. 

Happy Birthday TEK. 

Love, Mommy