I am supposed to be a mom of 2 is a thought that goes through my head regularly. When I use that phrase”supposed to be” I always feel guilty. I AM A MOM of 2.
Our son dying does not stop me from loving or mothering him; it just changed the way I have to do it. Through different actions I strive to give him my attention so he feels my love. I set aside time for me to spend with him where I can truly be in the moment and feel however I feel at that time. Sometimes the sadness takes over and I cry. Sometimes I feel grateful that I was able to experience everything about him. I know I can’t change anything about what happened but if I was given the opportunity I would do it all again. I would carry him, birth him then I would hold him and never put him down. While holding him I would tell him that I love him over and over again. I would sing him his songs a little louder and as he passed away in my arms I would say: You were everything I ever wanted. You will be loved forever and I will be sure you know this everyday for the rest of my life … until we meet again.
Theodore Edward “Tek” Kon