A day doesn’t go by without me thinking “you should be here”!!! 

I look around and wonder what would you be getting into at 3 years old? what safeguards would we have in place? 

What would your favorite toy be? would you need to take it everywhere you go? would it be a teddy? a toy car? a block? 

Would you have a blankie you cannot sleep without? would that go everywhere with you too? 

What foods would you love? hate? would you like savory or sweet? 

What words would you be saying? what would make you giggle? cry? what would all that sound like? 

What would you be showing your little sister? would you be sharing your toys with her? 

I should know these things and so much more. about you.

You should be here. 

I feel robbed of the opportunity to mother a toddler and an infant at the same time.  Your sister was robbed of the opportunity to have a sibling to grow up with. A big brother to fight with and annoy. A big brother to laugh at inside jokes with. A big brother to protect her when she’s older. 

I will always include you in everything we do as a family. Tomorrow is your sister’s baptism and is no different. Your balloon is perfect for the occasion and you look so cute in your bowtie. That may be a weird thing to think or say about an urn but I don’t see an urn. I see you. 

You should be here with us.