What if I had never been diagnosed with diabetes,
What if I hadn’t gotten the Islet Cell transplant,
What if I wasn’t on immunosuppressive drugs,
What if I didn’t travel for work so much,
What if I didn’t get cholestasis,
What if I hadn’t gotten preeclampsia,
What if I delivered you at 36 weeks like we had planned,
What if I asked what is the alternative when the nurses asked me if you could have formula,
What if I had said I needed to do research when the doctor asked if she could try to put the IV in your already drying out umbilical cord,
What if I had noticed something was off sooner,
What if the infection was caught earlier,
What if I had been better while pregnant,
What if I had done research when I knew you could have been a preemie,
you had survived NEC.
50% of preemies diagnosed with NEC do not survive. Doctors still don’t know what causes it so the what ifs I ask are endless. Without having answers the only thing I can blame is me.