You should be “graduating” kindergarten in a few weeks. Another milestone we will have to miss. I am often shocked when I think about you being a 6 year old. Not a baby, not a toddler and if you were still here, not even a kindergartner anymore. You would be a full-blown kid! A little boy having adventures and doing things that give me a heart attack!

Since I don’t get to experience these things with you, I read about them. I read that the summer before entering first grade, kids tend to “grow-up”. I wish I could experience that with you. I just know I would be bursting with pride in everything you do.

I think you came to visit your sister the other day. Daddy, Caroline and I were driving and all of a sudden your sister said “Mom, brother likes to peak through.” I said “What do you mean peak through?” And she said “Peak through heaven. He likes to say hi to me.” It was truly a wonderful moment. Please continue to peak through. Please continue to send smiley faces.

Today on Bereaved Mother’s day, I am going to sit with my thoughts of you. I’m going to let my ‘old friend’ grief peak through. I am going to let myself cry because crying makes me feel closer to you. The further I get from the last time I held you the more I wish to go back, even with the same outcome. I will forever want to go back. I love you, Tek – forever and always. My love will live here, until I can be there.

Hoping for a gentle Bereaved Mother’s day to others.