Dear Friends and Family,

First, I want to take a minute to express my sincere gratitude for your kind words of sympathy after hearing about the loss of our son, Theodore. I also want to thank you for being there for us those first few weeks. The cards, text messages and visits meant a lot and helped me cope during the initial stage of grief.

I want you to know that I understand that helping someone with this kind of grief is difficult and you may not know what to do or say. As I have been navigating my new reality of having to carry around such sadness, yet move forward (not on, I don’t like calling it moving on); I wanted to let you know what I need. I am learning in therapy and my group counseling sessions that many people may think that time heals but the first year will be the toughest for me and may not even skim the surface of the sadness. That is where friends and family come in, I will need you more than ever in the following months than I did in the first few weeks. Each day/week brings on emotions that are new to me and at times I have difficulty understanding. Last Thursday, I woke up and realized that for the past weeks I have been living in a fog, the fog is gone and what is left is a sharp sadness that hits all the way into my gut. A pain that comes at unexpected times where I am left crying at the gym, a restaurant, in my car driving, the middle of the night etc. I know that my loss has affected your lives, yet, I also know your world kept spinning and mine (for an unknown amount of time) has stopped. I don’t want you to take that the wrong way because in reality it is true. As time goes on, I ask that you still be there for me, be patient with me, reach out every so often to see how I am, but please don’t be surprised if I am completely honest about the pain and please don’t shy away from talking to me. Just you letting me know that you are here helps, letting me know that I am in your thoughts and prayers helps. If we meet in person just sitting with me in silence helps or talking to me about whatever you want to talk about helps. Going for walks with me helps. Saying phrases like you have every right to cry, or tell me how you are feeling helps. There is no need to be crafty with words or trying to make the pain go away, having your support helps.

 One of the hardest realizations is, I will not be who I was, but please know that I am trying to get back to a version of that person. I do not want my grief to define who I am, instead, I want to be able to pick up the pieces and be me with the memory of a little boy who I loved. As I go through this grieving process, I am trying really hard to get back to some sort of normal.  I also want you to know that I want to talk about my beautiful baby boy, I want his memory to live on. Giving birth to my Tek Monster was the happiest day of my life. I will never forget that feeling and never want to forget it even though right now thinking about that day opens the wounds.

As life goes on and times get hectic, I ask that you please be there for me. If you are able to do it in person great, if you want to be there through text messages or phone calls great. If you see a card at the store that you want to mail great.  Any support you can give will help. Thank you for taking the time to read this long letter. My therapist will be happy to know that I followed through with the assignment- See I can still make jokes.

With love,

Theodore’s (Tek’s) Mommy, Mallory